My friends, they love my intelligence
my vag is so smooth its legendary
They are pre-gaming a trip to congress...not sure how politically correct the group is.
Fortunately for myself I'm twice as smart and half as drunk as everyone else. All things considered I'm leaving here three-to-five times richer than when I arrived.
He ate me out on the kitchen floor while we waited for the cake to bake. How was your Valentines Day?
You are the alcoholic guardian angel of raccoons
I FOUND THE NORMAL CONDOMS. THIS IS GOD TELLING ME TO CHASE AFTER MY DREAM.
I just commented on the education level of his penis.
What is their policy on bow ties and belligerence?
I'm missing my left shoe, and there's a note on my foot (in my handwriting) that says "HAHA BITCH" Any explanation for this?
Welp. June's off to a great start. I just ripped my pants, completely sober, at 10:30 p.m.
Also I’m on 3%. Just Incase.. I miss you and I love you and you’re my everything and I’m getting drunk.
i woke up wearing a life jacket, holding on to a footlong hotdog, and had on a mr. hustle 1995 shirt on
good night
Right now I'm laying face down on my carpet in my living room in the darkness sending work emails from my phone.
It's a glamorous life.
He’s disease free and drives a Porsche. What else does a girl need?
Randomize
