so he came in my eye... should i throw out my contacts?
i just passed a truck with a bumper sticker saying "i'd rather be cummin than strokin." god bless the midwest.
I hope you remember pushing the girl off the stage because you said she wasn't good at pole dancing.
How many bratwuest were you able to fit in your mouth at one time? It's me, Hans.
Yeah he doesn't get it. We had to change the subject to Keanu reeves before someone got hurt.
Sorry I sent so many blank messages. My hands are slippery. Don't ask why.
Yeah.. he went to Tebow in the middle of the crosswalk and got hit by a cab... The yellow ones really don't stop
I love birth control. How's that for a Facebook status on valentines day.
To be fair, I'm probably one of the better candidates for the role of 'baby daddy' in this town
I just want every freshman guy to know about Grindr just so I can have more options
Sometimes I think about the fact that I lost my virginity while watching anime and I wonder what that says about me
Just saw our highschool guidance counselor at the bar and he's taken six shots in the last hour. Those teenagers have fucking hardened him.
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like picking cocaine boogers out of your nose at your parents house.
DO NOT PREHEAT THE OVEN THIS MORNING! WE STARTED USING IT AS A WINE STASH AROUND MIDNIGHT.
Why is there an inflatable flamingo in the backseat of my car?
Randomize
