I wish they had a smiley of two girls making out
I just made $100 from people paying me not to get naked at the party... I need those P90X dvds
i don't want a singing card. it disturbs my hangover. give me a pack of cigs taped to a bottle of wine and fuck me without a condom. happy vday baby.
This guy legit just tried to LSAT formal logic his way into my pants. Contrapositives and everything.
Got a basket, 50 condoms, some candy, 100 plastic eggs & my bunny costume. Campus will feel my wrath in 2 weeks
its like fishing. just send her some cock shots to keep her on the hook then use tequila to reel her in
I just spent 30 minutes cleaning out my coleman grill. Did you really have to have grilled yogurt?
We couldn't find him for like 4 hours. Turns out he was sitting under a tree and had thrown his phone in a lake because he couldn't figure out how to unlock it. Freshmen.
she asked him to cuddle cuz she was cold and instead he got up, moved the space heater to her side of the bed, and went back to sleep
This hangover is so bad, we are pregaming Chinese food with pizza.
for me, it's working out the tricky timing of the Viagra and nightly laxative.
I'm pretty sure he's playing the harmonica in my shower right now. I just really need to pee.
I could fuck to npr.
When I woke up this morning I swear my mouth tasted like dick and rolaids.
Either im seeing the northern lightgs, someone is having a rave, or im on acid.. Im most likely on acid
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