i just had sex bonerless
If you're ever in Seattle we should Fuck. Or get coffee, whatever.
Why do I always give away anal sex as birthday presents?
Shut up... one mans birthday cake is another mans sodomy my friend
Any questions about why there was a scuba tank chilling in the hot tub this morning?
Dude's from Puerto Rico. Majoring in Spanish is like us majoring in drinking with a minor in watching Forgetting Sarah Marshall.
He is indeed a crazy mutha fucka. But mark my words. MARK MY WORDS. My job has placed me at the same party as Tom Cruise. I. Am. Fucking. The. Crazy. Out. Of . That. Alien . Fucker.
Why were my jeans in the freezer of the mini fridge, and how long have they been in there? On another note, I found my teacher's ID badge.
Does Jesus have blonde highlights? Pretty sure I saw him in a lavender shirt and Sperry's.
Note to self. The tub labelled "not water" does not contain water.
you got drunk, told him he looked like shaggy and said 'I wouldn't show you my mystery machine for all the scooby snacks in the world'
I just had a sexting conversation using medieval jargon. I think he is a fine suitor.
Are you jealous of my sweatsuit? It's how I get men on Tinder.
You literally just told me you're ditching me because of pizza. PIZZA? Wow.
You can make out without kissing
Explanation needed
I'm naked, eating straight Nutella, and listening to "Make you feel my love" on repeat. So no. He didn't ask me out.
Randomize
