Dude i just saw JT leaving the hospital. He drove there to get fluids because he was too drunk, so they hooked him up to an IV so he didn't get alcohol poisoning. Did I mention he drove there? Oh yea and our roommates in the hospital with alcohol poisoning, she just puked up coal. So many ppl are here, it's like a hospital party, I love spring quarter!
my mom just served us mashed potatoes with an ice cream scoop. When I asked her why, she said she thought it would make dinner 'more fancy'...
The theme is smores and alcohol. Dress appropriately.
Hippo gnu deer
Can we ask the Hungry Howie's guy to pick up some blunt wraps on the way over?
I have a theory he's part Neanderthal
If you happen to tell anybody my drunk story in the near future, please refrain from telling them about me shitting myself. People are getting the wrong idea and random people are messaging me on Facebook making fun of me for that
I've already made the "blackout on move in day" decision
The cat just walked up and made eye contact with me while I had sex. I'm going to have to burn the house down with him in it.
My entire grocery store purchase consisted of Little Debbie snacks and Budweiser
I put in a tampon while driving a moving vehicle. I feel like this is simultaneously a new low and the sort of feat that deserves a merit badge.
No it's like. I don't respect you. And I think you're a terrible person but. I still wanna bone it out.
Things he has managed to cum on so far on spring break: my bikini, my back-up bikini, three of my four bras, two pairs of panties, four beds, six chairs, the floor of several hotel rooms, the window/door to the balcony from both sides, my tits, my face, my stomach, his stomach, my ass, his best friend's girlfriend's face, and his best friend's dick.
Just FYI spring break is over and you're supposed to be back in class but hey sounds like you had your orgy so congrats.
I woke up completely naked in a mint condition 71 chevelle in someones garage. What.
I definitely almost just pulled a condom out of my purse instead of money for my dad.
Randomize
