So my earrings and necklace kept jingling and hitting him in the face, and he told me felt like he was fucking a Christmas tree
You told me alcohol would be the death of you then ordered 10 shots of tequila.
Did I ever tell u about how my buddy fucked peter coors's daughter and made a tshirt that said I TAPPED THE ROCKIES with her picture on it?
She had forties taped to her hands and was trying to give him a hand job while he was passed out, with everyone in the living room.
Breakfast Clubbing as Juggalos. I can feel our IQs in freefall.
driving home I had the GPS in one hand and puking in the coffee cup
So no more sangria road trips?
With a few pieces of metal and duct tape and a bong was created
Just ate a chocolate chip cookie upside down. This is what having a degree does for you.
So our bartender was in the bathroom the same time I was so I ordered a beer mid stream.....is that weird?
I spend so much of my life shaving my body hair off and I want nothing more than his beard in all my hairless places.
I wish so many great beards were not attached to even greater jerks. All that face sitting potential wasted. Some of the greatest tragedies of this century.
For some reason she gave me a handjob. It was all very confusing
you put your keys in the fridge so you wouldn't forget your yoohoo
Aww you are cute. With your penis. And failures.
Julius Caesar had a huge penis
WTF are you reading?
Ha ha! No, the guy in the Caesar costume last night. We hooked up. His dick was huge
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