Just realized how sopa could affect my ability to watch porn, son of a bitch
Guess the answer to the last 2 texts right and you'll get a boob shot tonight. Guess wrong and it will be a picture of a used, boogery kleenex.
Also, I might need your help for a prank involving a hand puppet, a coke bottle, double-sided tape, and my dick...
I just want to fall into a pit of xannies and eat my way out.
is one penis in the hand worth one better nicer penis in the manscaped bush?
if anyone knows where my shirt is please let me know and if you know why I don't have my own shirt please also let me know. also do any of you know why I'm missing a bra wire?
SOME BITCH AT THE HOSTEL STOLE MY NUT BUTTER THERE WILL BE BLOOD
My walk of shame turned into having to get his dad to tow my best friends car out of the snowbank in his driveway
Thursday is not a good day to become a felon... It's bingo night
Hello my rib-scented angel!
Well, after a pitcher of beer, I set my ex on fire. It was a little fire, he's fine. How's your night?
You were wearing a sequin mini, with Tevas. And you still got laid.
i texted "amiibo vore" to my insurance agent instead of someone else. do you think they'll raise my rates out of disgust?
wait i saw you last night?
we found you ass naked on the couch covered in pillows.
Why did I wake up with a half-eaten burrito and a vaccuum cleaner in my bed? ...on top of me.
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