Update, blind date is cute and fun.
Scratch that, blind date just threw up.
she pooped in my shower. pooped. woke me up and said she thought she farted but it wasnt a fart i went back 2 sleep and found it hours later. no longer hooking up w chicks my moms age.
I replied to the university automated mass text about the armed robbery at the on-campus Starbucks with a sad face. Basically sums up my night.
hey girl hope you're alright, you hit that tree really hard. have a good night.
I bought this skirt with every intention to have it wrapped around my tits by the end of the night. So, I'm not a whore. I'm a self-fulfilling prophecy.
thats it. im teaching my cat how to use a fire alarm
You stumbled in at 10am, half-clothed and still drunk from last night and yelled "well, its not called a walk of pride!", then passed out on the couch.
There is a really great story behind the missing Coco Puffs and vodka mystery
I immediately regret the tequila decision.
How drunk do you think I'll be by the time I get home?
I just watched you drink a whole glass of wine through a Twizzler. Pretty drunk.
I will be single by the day my lease is up (234 days). Plan accordingly.
I miss you, too. It's hard to sleep without anything licking my head.
I should become a firefighter. Who uses his cock to fight fires. Like a Superhero.
I fucked the midget version of a backstreet boy and I am not mad about it
So my step mom just informed me she tells stories about me at work as a form of birth control for the girls that work there, not sure if i should be offended or proud.
Randomize
