whatcha mean you cant get rid of genital warts? thats not what my girlfriend says
My dog fell asleep in his puke last night. He's only 5 weeks old and has more in common with my friends than I do.
My mom just called and reminded me not to throw up in any cabs tonight. Happy St. Patty's Day.
when i got there he was on top of an air mattress in the middle of the pool with a bag of doritos and a 40 telling people he needed his space.
yea man just watch out- theres a shitload of broken glass in your bed
The bouncers kicked us out around 3 so we went to the grocery store flasks in hand and asked them to turn up their music...
Driving to get a preg test with my ex, wearing my unicorn hat
You are so not ready for motherhood
HI MARY. THERE IS A RAINBOW AT OUR APARTMENT
No my first time having an orgasm with you will not be on face time
And then I fed you egg rolls in bed as you were screaming I'm moving out
Yup on the verge of buzzed and drunk. I managed to make my way into my cat's box house to fall asleep. I'm comfortable
i feel sensations at the ends of my beard. Either I am super high. Or my face has accepted my beard and I completed my transformation to Mecca
Just fantasized about my boss's fingers in a meeting. I desperately need to get some.
Eh, my puke tasted like lemonade, so not too bad
Why did I wake up next to the fire pit? And who wrapped me up like a burrito?
Jägerbombs. Thank Sara.
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