do you know why i have a volvo grill taped to the back of my car?
She was crying and singing Taylor Swift on repeat. I'm never drinking with her again.
We'll both be dead in approximately 72-96 hours, with you bringing your liver out of retirement again, Favre.
there's nothing like the elf drinking game to get me in the christmas spirit.
She started howling at the moon. That was pretty much the deal breaker.
Hey man, I found your crocs and your visor in the road. Got em for you.
Waiting to interview and found a beer in my purse from last night
WAKE UP!!! We have 20 minutes to get to class. That means we only have 10 minutes to get drunk.
You were literally hanging out the window and dancing to the remix to Ignition when we drove you home
You should never be more than a quarter of a mile from a working toilet
Preach!
Dude, tumbleweeds have been rolling through my bed lately. This is my dryest dry spell since I was married.
That cat I follow on Facebook beat cancer so we're drinking tonight in celebration
I just want to hook up with Ed Sheeran. Why does it have to be so difficult?
You woke up in between the boxspring and the matress in a random dorm room.
So uh. Your future in porn. Would you be willing to wear an alien costume for it?
Randomize
