You just kept saying over and over "Tell me I won't do it." Someone finally told you you won't. You did. Welcome to herpes.
everyday i become more and more impressed with my facebook stalking skills
i'm on the subway and being revisted by the ghosts of tequilas past.
you are my patron saint of "too drunk for 9am". i just keep asking myself what would alyssa do as i try to regain motor function
She's just so happy...and so naked.
yo knit me an eyepatch. but also make it usable as a thong
His cat watched us the ENTIRE time. Every time I glanced over the poor kitty looked at me as if I were pelvic thrusting her father to death.
My greatest achievement in life thus far is being the go to friend when you have questions about butt plugs.
Pretty sure when I woke up the next morning we were still fucking. It just didn't stop.
It was the easiest thing I've ever done. 3am she walked into my room, saw my Buffalo Bills blanket, said go bills and got naked.
Woke up with 5 texts apologizing from a number I named "guy who elbowed me in face"
Like tbh you're not doing anything that screams I'm drunk and yet nothing says I'm going to spend $30 on McDonalds and make out with a stranger like that picture
We didn't have a place to have sex. So we timed the automatic car wash & spent $9 for 3 minutes and 45 secs of car sex.
No my problem is I'm working and its a beautiful Saturday. I should be recovering from a hangover and out golfing. Fuck responsibility. I miss college.
why the hell are you crying over taco bell?
Randomize
