i'm in his phone as sushi coochie
worms taste like bacon by the way.
I always wondered what they tasted like.
Just used a champagne bottle to outline a trigonometric circle for math 104.. should i give up on life now or later?
I told him I'd rather have sex with his father last night. I'll admit now that I was drunk.
I legit had to pull him off my car. Then he texted me saying 'take me places.' Shotgun getting that drunk tonight
Romantic bubble bath turned into splash war. We can't be adults about anything.
You don't understand. This could be the last time I shave a star into my vag. Get over here.
The guy who was The Count on Sesame Street died this week too. Therefore, you should take multiple shots, count them, & go "ahh aaahh aaaahhh" after each one. I expect video...
I didn't have the heart to tell him that the reason my vagina was so "prelubricated" was because I had just had another gentleman caller an hour earlier. So, when he commented about how turned on I appeared, I just went with it.
I am about to embark upon a south Boston wedding....
Hydrate.
Dude, please tell me you know why there's a naked chick asleep outside my room.
I'm pretty sure that my eyebrow is going to be swollen from a sex injury tomorrow and possibly a black eye. If it forms that way it wiil be the second time. Different eyeball. Different decade.
I may or may not have tried to give myself a lobotomy
I'm trying to find a place to hide weed in my mother in law's house...
Married life problems?
I shamewalked barefoot this morning and the Dos Equis delivery guy judged the shit out of me.
Randomize
