I need hand sanitizer and jesus.
that knocking you heard last night......that was her head slowly going through the wall
i feel like his penis is a security blanet. i cant fall asleep unless its in my hand
Through drunken recall, I have managed to bring back awful memories of losing my virginity. And possibly traumatized my niece trying to get her to "learn from my mistakes".
I bought a police grade breathalyzer on ebay at 4:37 am. At least I'm a responsible drunk.
Do you recall us playing flip cup on your head?
Ye. Looking like it's about to be one of those mythical responsible weekends
I am so hung over a medically induced coma is beginning to sound appealing.
I seriously don't understand how you keep getting laid.
Because I'm like the spider of false hope. I spin elaborate tales and snare them in my web of utter disappointment. They soon realize their mistake, but by then it's too late.
foreskin is a definite game changer
Who knows. I'd probably only get a makeout with an OTPHJ from her so the return on sexual investment from her isn't looking that great.
He's in the same dorm as me. We are sharing a laundry room, gym, and cafeteria. I'VE ALREADY COMMITTED DORMCEST AND MOVE-IN DAY ISN'T UNTILL NEXT WEEK!!!!
Alvin just won tickets on the radio. I guess he's out of jail.
I'm going to make a stack of pancakes and fuck it. Right now.
I'm sober now, I ate a whole cantaloupe.
Randomize
