Picture the opening band right now: euro, beer guts, one member in oversized hipster lumberjack apparel, the other in childsized american apparel and shorts. Singing in german.
Omg alex and i were cooking weiners on a campfire and a bear came and i am waayyy too high for this
While sitting in bed naked eating ramen and watching the colbert report I realize why random sex happens.
If I had a penis I would totaly hang shit off it. Like stretched out peach rings and fruit rollups.
she was definitely a virgin. no ones that bad unless theyre a virgin
your sister was..
Its mothers day and I have choke marks around my neck. Thanks for that.
i have my own cum on my nose right now. don't talk to me about "embarrassed".
Some drunk couple just made out on the sidewalk and it reminded me some sweet moments we have shared...
Hey they cleaned all the blood out of the elevator. Also could you pick up some nachos?
The guy in the American Flag bikini was telling the women he was disgusted at the amount of alcohol they weren't drinking. Then it got ridiculous.
I have mastered the 3 minute room cleaning drill in preparation for the nights possible slam-piece
When I woke up my bed had been moved to the middle of my living room, a hippie was spooning me on one side and a pile of cocaine on the other, did I go through a time warp or are we still in 2012?
Operation rebound complete... I fucked the bouncer
I think after tonight I'm 85% lesbian
it's okay that you two hooked up in the family bathroom at the mall.. i just pray to god you were not making a family in the family bathroom..
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