Like worst hickies ever he always gives them like wtf
i am NOT doing that with my feet, or any part of my body
Public safety found my id!
And i can't find my bra so i'm assuming they found my bra with my id which would explain the disapproving tone the lady on the phone had.
I told her the white crusty stuff on my boxers was frosting not cum. She seemed MORE grossed out then
closing bar tabs have helped me with simple math in college.
you kept say ridiculous things then repeating them in perfect classical latin. You are onee intelligent drunk
so if i die before i go back to school its because the thing we found in the hallway that i've been smoking out of is a crack pipe
God, you're like boner-b-gone
You passed out across the stairs with your feet and arms through the railings so you "wouldn't fall down when you blacked out and no one could get the pizza past you without waking you up". \n\nYou're the smartest drunk I know.
So where are we on this whole, you write my paper...i do sexual favors situation?
I just need to go to a bar tonight wrapped in an American flag singing the national anthem
On my way back to his place to see his "art". Why am I sure this is going to be nothing more than his dick in a box?
it's ok. he made up for it by standing there and holding my purse while i made out with three guys at the bar. it was a pretty good night.
Ugh did we play golf last night and did you by chance hit my head with a club or a ball?
HOCKEY BUTTS AND BASEBALL BUTTS HONESTLY DO SOMETHING TO ME
Randomize
