I figured, if I'm going to wear a gold cape its pretty safe to assume I'll be blacking out as well.
ill give you the fast version. Hooked up with 17 year old coworker while housestting for my boss
I figure hes like disneyworld. You know youre only going once or twice in life. Might as well have fun and ride the rides
Can we go out and do something semi fancy soon? I feel like wearing a dress and pretending to be an adult.
The acoustics in my bra are fantastic.
Opening beer with my teeth is getting easier the drunker I become.
It turns out my teeth are bleeding.
Did you know that taking off a bra with teeth burns ninty calories?
I hope you get stoned and think that you're a seal in shark infested waters
I'm sorry. I slept with him again. On the plus side he's got better at it!
Well, my mom found the ball gag and whip. Looks like I'm never going home again.
I got the beer and the first aid kit. You get the tequila and burn cream. We should be set for the camping trip.
...I just melted into my bed. I am one with the bed. I am 600 thread count.
I said, hypothetically speaking, if I was going to be having some rough sex Friday night, when WOULD be the best time for a massage, mother dear?
I danced my ass off after the funeral last night. Kept dropping it low and I can feel it in my legs today. Im like shit I needa go work out
What a way to honor the dead
You kept shouting about how you were the king of all bitches...and doors, for some reason.
Randomize
