I really wanna talk..
if by talk you mean have nasty makeup sex involving marshmellow fluff.. I'm down
after we had sex he went grocery shopping. at 6 am. i've never been more confused in my life
If someone would have told me in preschool that I was going to do him I would have said no
A worker across the alley is wearing your sombrero sans cat barf.
They have chocolate covered tequila candy at work. This is not a drill. May be drunk by noon.
I threw up sweet potatoes. Worst thing to throw up ever. They came back mashed.
he asked me to lick his asshole and I told him his girlfriend could do that for him
A man just squeezed past me in a tight space and said, "Excuse us."
Not only did my parents pick me up from his hotel room in the morning, but he also came outside and had a casual little chat with my dad through the driver's side windrow.
He got punched in the face last night? By who? I’ll invite him to our formal. Seriously.
Whoever said it shouldn't take a man to make you happy clearly wasn't having sex everyday.
What happened last night? I just woke up and there's like 15 mcflurry cups on the floor
You don't remember stealing them?
We are totally like Jim and Pam, except ya know, drunk and not together anymore.
He’s tiny, hairless and humps my leg when he wants sex. He’s basically a chihuahua
omg last night while walking home from your house I stole a seatless bike and carried it into my next door neighbors kitchen.. we just looked It up online it's an antique and worth $500 dollars
Randomize
