He was putting purell on my boobs saying "they need to be clean for later." He hadn't had a drink all night
Yeah, she tried to drown her but then they hooked up.
Saw someone get laid in the bathroom no one was wearing shoes and I had a parrot on my shoulder...I never want to leave this bar
i was mezmorized. she was the most beautiful girl that looked like a boy i ever seen
The only thing he had going for him was mad fingering skills. the ONLY thing. crayons have a wider circumference.
My parents got me a bottle of vodka and a puke bucket for christmas. I've already used both.
GET OVER HERE. HOTTIE ALERT
^^^This is why you should have charged your phone prior to going out.
Lube filled water balloons always make for a good time
You came home And decided to make beer battered bacon... That's why there was smoke
My guy issues hinge on tonight's game. Caps win, it's Dustin. Rangers win, Josh. I even flipped a coin to see who got what team
He just stopped me mid blow job so he could text his wife asking for TacoBell.
I am literally this close to screaming out my window if anyone nearby was down to fuck. I am too damn horny.
No problem...what are friends for if they can't rub eachothers genitals.
i'll...probably just offer you drugs?
i'll...probably take them in all honesty
If I get my period the weekend your parents are gone i'm removing my uterus.
Randomize
