I fell asleep on the toilet again last night...
so remember that time i slept over and came home in the morning to realize i left my vibrator next to the faucet for parents and brothers to see? this is worse
the only reason I knew his name is because half way through I looked up and it was tatooed on his chest.
he poured tabasco sauce in my vag.. I'm still having a hard time going to the bathroom.
Before I left in the morning I deleted her purity ring app off her iPod, I figured it would save her the shame
i think there mostly mad about the fact it was 6 pm not the fact i blew a .255
There is no way I'm taking advice from somone who's idea of a balanced diet consists of vodka and lemon detox juice
Apparently while trying to get up from vomiting in the toilet I grabbed the seat cover for leverage and smashed my own head between it and the bowl. I don't remember this.
This is the minute she broke up with me. If you're receiving this mass text, you are one for the girls who made me promise to text you at this point.
I want you inside of me and on top of me and under me and behind me
Basically I need you to be like god, just fucking everywhere
So... I woke up on a bench with a honey bun on my chest.
I'm literally spending $165 to fly to Arizona to have a sex road trip coming back
My manager caught me going taking a nap in an empty room. Apparently she sleeps there too.
i think i just naturally attract stoners
he had a cock ring. i orgasmed before he even put it in
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