eh.. i should've known it was headed downhill after he used the phrase "pussy sundae"
and i forgot to tell you that my armpit hair is now completely grown back. man i love winter.
You told my mother that her salad dressing tasted like semen.
This will be amazing. Plus he's going to do a line of cocaine off of the other guy's ass.
Hovering on the line between her being fuckable and me being too drunk to fuck. Life's juggling act in progress here.
I found a ladder. I don't know where I am. Gonna climb it. I feel like aladin
chimney cleaner pole that expands when button is pushed then pull out. Remember that. We have to patent it.
Who are you high with right now?
oh sorry. I thought "boat" was code for "penis"
He took a girl home tonight that he was trying to sell a fridge to. She wanted a fridge and got his dick. He's got a talent.
i stole nothing, broke nothing, and stabbed nothing. aren't you proud of me?
Dude. Stop sending me lines from Hungry Like the Wolf
I just figured out the time exactly by how many shots and beers that I've had since this morning. I either have a terrible problem, or a great solution.
I would bite a mans dick off for a chocolate milk.
I maxed out my credit card last night on powdered donuts and beef jerky
Put on your bikini and meet me at the pool \nit’s cock o’clock!
Randomize
