i found the vodka. it was hiding in the orange juice.
It's a law of Nature, girls naturally hate eachother. It's only when there's no competition for a mate that they can hate each other a little less and then are appropriated into the "BFF" slot.
Thought you might like this. Had a dance off with an andy bernard look alike and pissed my bed. All in one night.
so im gonna ask for shark week off tomorrow at work and i advise you do the same
my resolution for 2011 is to fuck him whenever he wants it. this year I'm going above and beyond the call of booty.
walking around pouring bird seed on passed out guys in the quad.
I think my uterus is still laying in your bed somewhere under the covers.
I wish I was a power ranger. Also the universe is immense. Like it never ends. Never.
I hate find pieces of condom wrappers on carpet. It's like god is throwing flakes of shame for me to vacuum up
We ended up at a lesbian bar and all my co-workers tried to get me laid. This is not how I envisioned coming out.
I know we were going to go hiking today, but I don’t think I can face reality until Wednesday
I'm not sorry for loving America more than everyone else
Bro, that'd be the third dick I've taken down in the office.
Having random cyber sex while watching to catch a predator just seems wrong.
i'm growling thTa how much i wNn slwwwp.
save me some of whatever you're doing i'll be there in five.
Randomize
