Lets drop out of school and be professionally skinny and drunk
What should our trivia night team be named?
Define Statutory
i just broke my key off in the door of my house because the engine wasnt starting
Just found out what was wrong with Esther. Turns out she's 33 and still not married. This explains everything.
Being invited to eat tater tots at 1:30am by a rly hot girl then actually only eating tater tots is a major let down. Tasty, but still a let down
This Halloween will be different. I'm just here to get shitfaced, not troll around looking for slutty nun pussy.
Welp, I can cross "making out with a guy in a dress" off my bucket list...
You should be glad you didn't come with last night. I watched pirate porn for the first time in my life as the 9th wheel.
I have an erection and I'm about to go through airport security.
We found you wrapped up in a tarp in the garage the next morning, thats how real shit got.
Hey guys guess what I found in my bed this morning? I wish it was a man..but it was a potato
Do you remember making out with the dude in the back of my cab last night?? You said his mustache tickled your tongue.
The sex is great, I just think it'd be better if we listened to Deftones during it.
My ex is having a baby and I'm over here planning my dogs birthday celebration...
When is the party?
Man I gotta stop stashing shit when I'm high. I just spent 2 hours searching for my bag of pot and eventually found it in fucking a bandaid box.
Randomize
