Just got caught pissing on a plant in her room while she was in the shower first word out of my mouth were my bad
I just fired a shotgun out of the back of a truck going 60. i am going to miss oregon.
We should have parties more often. I ended up with 90 beers and someone cleaned my toilet.
I just ate a cashew that looked EXACTLY like your dick.
Woke up with pink eye in both my eyes. That's how the threesome went
I'm hoping you can explain why I woke up with what I believe is pumpkin pie all over my body
I want to lick his teeth again. Is that a creepy thing to say?
How high are you?
I feel like breakfast can just fly into my mouth
And now we should drink to that moment where you realize you didn't exactly think things through.
I feel like weed makes my smarter. I'm watching the stocks and the way I understand if, do not invest in Yahoo right now because they are not fit for that.
Closed my eyes in the shower and got really dizzy. Not sure if neurological or result of 4 day vodka binge. Send help.
Swiping left on your brother's Tinder account is possibly the worst way to learn he broke up with his girlfriend.
I was legit late to work one day Bc it took me so long to get a good nude
U just kept yelling her vagina wasn't a priority bc u had a bowl of cheerios calling your name
its so awesome dude, its like im a magical unicorn or something
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