You really coming over, don't trick.
Dude WTF? His teammate just started talkin to me on fb! Am I walking around with a "I like to f**k gators" on my forehead?
No, it just says ur easy
I'm sooo using this pickup line: "Baby, its not the 2.5 inches... Its the 200 pounds behind it"
I'm going to save the lime from my McDonald's salad to use in my Corona later tonight.
I'm still in shock that he came by my house for five minutes dropped off a Teddy bear and went to the strip club on valentines day
the ball fondling will be left out of the trip recanting
It took him three days to realize his roommate had moved out.
This conversation has now reached a level of awkward that even a passerby streaking hobo couldn't break.
Legitimately sent a work email with "Hey, you kids, get off my lawn" as the subject line.
I want morning sex. We can incorporate maple syrup into it somehow, it'll be fun
I just told the sun to stop. That hungover.
Never thought having a box of Cheerios could get me laid. My new lucky charm hello girl in 2B
Oh my fucking god that cat looks just like you after you accidentally took Ketamine
In honor of the new administration, I'm going to make it my goal this weekend to get some lesbian action. Fuck Donald Trump and fuck Mike Pence. I'm going to be a spiteful gay.
Can I come over and get it in, take a nap in ur bed, grab some poptarts and then leave?
You haven't lost that air of class about you...
Randomize
