Why do girls always cry at the bar?
What's the point of going out if you're going to cry all night?
Are they having an exestensial crisis at the bar?
she just fell off the couch. onto a bag of pretzels. her face resembled a cat that just swallowed a sock.
Say "Steve Buscemi is hot." with a straight face.
Ryan Howard.... the only guy who struck out more than me this weekend
Highlight of the day: realizing the man in the car next to mine was getting road head... at 2:45pm... nicely done sir, nicely done.
I just drank til 6am then boned a 32 yr old that looks exactly like ET. Oh god.
There is ecstasy everywhere. Get over here right no5w. The 5 is silent.
I can't in good conscience help you bag a Catholic girl who isn't at least a 7.
Why do I think he'd like to keep my hair in a box?
Only great wives bring your dope to you when you are at the Cardiologist
It's the kind of dick you travel across the country for
Unfortunately i'm awake, hungover, and covered in something I'm pretty sure is Easy Cheese. Send help.
You know it was a good night when you wake up w/o a shirt in someone elses living room next to a pancake on a spoon in a bowl of spaghetti.
i'm not so sure everythign we did last night was legal...
if having to see my ex’s dick once in a while is the price I pay to the universe for making my life go a little smoother, I’ll take it
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