I still think their baby is ugly. I also still think it's yours.
They seriously just ended our alcohol presentation by giving us beer cozies. I love college.
Haha, oh man. I'm awake now. Slept in my headdress.
Successfully masturbated while balancing on an exercise ball. my greatest accomplishment?
Probably
All I want is a camelback full of Jameson and the weather to be cool enough for me to wear rainbow spandex. Ugh. Pride problems.
Please say a prayer for the elevator people at work today. My farts are significantly more potent the day after hitting that korean place for lunch...
Her family was right next to mine during christmas eve mass. Between the terrifying glares and her trying to set my sleeve on fire during the candle part I am VERY sure she knows im fucking her ex...
My mouth taste like pussy and my dad noticed. Hahahaha
Like what did he say to his host family? The girl I causally sleep with on the weekends is coming over?! And they thought "well lets feed her dinner"
I should've realized you were drunk when you began to point at my crotch while yelling "Funland!!!"
Today is a shit your pants at work kinda day
Ryan. I woke up. At the neighbors house. And by the neighbors. I mean the ones to the north. The ones that hate us. Please call me. I am so confused and you are gone
At the neighbors house?! Like in it or outside???
In it on the fucking couch. No idea how i got here.
Ahh yes. I lost my pants and swimming suit and phone charger. And I've found out who has them all even while hungover. Successful day. Nice party too.
Of course I fucked her, her man stole my bike when we were kids
The shower rod just came down while I was pooping. I caught it though and the curtain stayed on, so I'm not sure if it's a good or bad omen for the rest of my day
Randomize
