She said if it slipped out one more time she was going to duct tape it in her vagina
do you think they make "congratulations unfit mother" greeting cards?
or abortion recommendation cards.
well i had to explain to their mom why the kids i babysit for won't stop repeating the phrase "nice juicy guido"
Sitting on the floor in my kitchen eating taquitos. Being this drunk the next day has lost its allure post graduation.
I am not kidding you. There is an airport luggage cart overturned in my driveway. We need to stop going to the airport bar.
Yeah? Well I'm currently predrinking downstairs in my room by myself. Absolut and water with a hint of mint because I'm using the glass I keep my toothbrush in. Fuck, you bitches better get off work soon.
Oh god I may vomit into the teacup of debauchery.
Almost there.
define "almost". like I have enough time to watch a youtube video or oh shit, put on some goddamn pants because they're in the driveway.
do you remember in the middle of fleeing from the cops you stopped in the middle of the road to make out with quail man?
You fed me pizza off a sword last night.
I yield to the immortal wisdom of one ludacris, who famously wrote, "can't turn a hoe in to a housewife." Indeed, ludacris, indeed.
Are there any rules against fucking the hot TA?
Maybe for her....
Her problem, not mine
Have you had sex with a man from New Zealand? No? Then your input is invalid.
I'm like a freaking volcano of life and sexual frustrations
I woke up next to a Big Mac box.. And had no sheets or clothes on. The night was a success I think.
Randomize
