okay pat passed out under dana's car
I wish everyone could be as happy as the people in the laxative commercials.
I bet i've been more pregnant than you.
You have to understand, this is the first time I'm looking at a whopper sober.
In a world where you don't want your phone to pocket dial your parents at 2 in the morning while you're running around Florida shitfaced, Droid does.
Sorry for drunk singing "love hurts" to you at 3 am.
You haven't puked in my sink in over a year.. Youre coming over this weekend
Can I come over? I respect you, but I want disrespectful things to happen
Itd be nice if there was a level of interest in me somewhere in between the indifference and obsession that I've only been attracting
Lol I screamed "GOT AN ORDER OF VERSACE TACOS UP" and the whole kitchen was just like who the fuck is this kid
You ran into the tattoo shop screaming PIERCE MY TITIES
my roommate was being a bitch so I changed my Netflix password on her. 21st century slap in the face ladies and gentleman
I got a lap dance in honor of your birthday last night.
Thank you.
theres a video...
oh god.
I made out with the hosts' boyfriend, infront of her, drank way too much, slept in my car and convinced everyone that I'm really a nice person. If that's not skilled lying, I don't know what is.
Don't read too much into what I just sent. I love you, always have, but I'm drunk and sorry for the confusion.
Which part? The boyfriend or the sex?
Boyfriend. SEX IS ON!!!
Randomize
