worst. lesbian. ever. i'm not sure she knows a clit from a pencil eraser.
I hope you fall in a pool of honey in an immensely populated region of bears.
The sign in front of ihop says "designated drivers get half off their order"
I'm not giving my ex her earrings back. If some chick i hated gave me brownies i would still eat them. It's the same thing.
I am way too high for this. Some guy just keeps talking about music and life goals and he apparently has lived in every city we mention we are going
I realized it was a bad idea when I broke my collar bone
The woman at the bus stop told me i smell delicious and asked if i wear cotton then proceeded to tell me about her shellfish allergy
Everyone looked at me like I just fucked a gopher and was wearing it like a hat
1. Are there men involved 2. Is there food involved 3. Do I have to put pants on 4. Do I have to leave this bed
we should look into getting a golf cart for the weekend. i have a feeling legs wont be a sufficient source of transportation.
I was scared I had HIV after last time so I'm not gonna do it again
But he was really hot
Glad you don't have HIV
My New Years Resolution is to get everyone to start talking like a 40 year old douchebag. From now on, you will only refer to me as Chief.
Is this the point in which we come to terms with our lesbianism or is that after you send me more ass pics...
Can I even tell you how badly I want a day that is just on and off napping and sex with intermittent snack breaks? Because I want that day very badly.
I have never seen a more amazing text message in my entire life.
I hooked up with the sexiest couple in the LAX BATHROOM IN THE CHANGING FAMILY ROOM HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAA
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