Seriously. Doesn't matter if I went out last night, work is like crafts class w.a side of facebook
Were making a bet for which twin will relapse while in rehab. I'm going for the chubbier one
I guess wearing a straight up bikini to class is an early indication that Thirsty Thursday has started.
guess who's eating a vending machine cheese danish, has no panties on, and is still the classiest bitch at this bus stop?
Ya I painted "STOP TRYING ANAL" on her headboard. I'm sick of listening to her whine through the wall and bitch the next day.
Just found a g string in our driveway, wtf happened this weekend?
This teachers last name is pfister and she did the fisting motion to help explain how to pronounce her name. This class might be good
Do the molecules within bourbon change when mixed with a cola to form a superior liquid treat?
Wow it must be so difficult to be as popular as you are and smoke as much weed as you do
So while you were living in this woman's apartment, you acquired a room mate, fucked her daughter, and killed her bunny. Worst sitter ever
I can't believe this. 100 bucks says my Botox lasts longer than their marriage will.
I'm tired of being known as the Great Giver Goddess of the Almighty Pity Bone.
just reached the point where my breast implants paid from themselves in free drinks.
He wanted to watch a Charlie Brown thanksgiving. But I was like, fuck that, I'm a grown up. So we watched jumanji and I sucked his dick.
We went from him going down on me to swapping baby pictures of our moms.
Randomize
