I just didn't expect you to be so naked....
He did a double fist pump when he discovered the Magnums fit and skipped back towards the bed.
so you had a one ended conversation with the toilet las night in between barfs. you kept telling the toilet how strong it was because its gone through a lot of shit in its life.
drunk me is so punny.
dude, i woke up with a mini keg on my night stand. again. like wtf
She kept telling me to calm down. I was on the floor with my eyes shut, not moving. In levels of calm I was one step above coma patient
I left my pipe in my center console with a bowl packed when I took my car to the shop, and when I picked it up the weed had been smoked, but my oil change was only half price.
If you don't sing me a lullaby then I'll just take shots till I pass out
I sat on the toilet and peed through my jeans, then I pissed the bed and blamed him...do you think well have a 2nd date?
Whiskey and an unstable home life is apparently the fountain that 20-something boys like to drink from.
You leaned over so she could squirt ketchup in your hair and then started chanting "KETCHUP NIGHT!! KETCHUP NIGHT!!!"
Successfully defrauded the county government. What have you done today?
My greatest accomplishment today was eating a box of Thai food the size of a toddler.
All I can taste is Pickle Juice and Cocaine.
whered you go
woke up in a ditch, shat infront of a little league game, slept in her stairway...i need to come here more often
I'm not gonna lie. I need sex like plants need water right now. I just need the dick.
Randomize
