it was like my fingers were behind enemy lines
There's a Sam Adams brew house. How were we not supposed to go
Imagine the time you most wanted to kill yourself. Now add a room full of jail bait and no booze. Multiply that by a million.
He set an alarm on my phone to an infant screaming and puking to make sure i take my pill. its working.
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Just woke up from a dream where you lived in a gingerbread house on a snowy cliff by the sea. The dolphins were swimming away from a giant dust storm. You REALLY ought to smoke this before bed tonight.
Just used "I used to work as an inflatable toy operator" as a pick up line. Freshman frenzy is great...
I'm going out w/ her for her b-day in a bit. I just talked to one of her drunk friends on the phone who asked if I could "handle 7 lesbian." This could be interesting.
So is there some kind of punch card you and I get to use every time we fuck a chick with a cast?
So are you actually going to come fuck me in the ass this weekend, or was that just you being drunk in a kilt?
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Highlight of my night: you taking that shot of garlic butter and then throwing the empty container down on the stairs and saying FUCK.
I'm craving your dick and a microwave pizza
WE HAVE WINE WHERE ARE YOU GUYS WE ARE BY THE GIANT EAGLE
It was a tough decision either lay in bed or go to work and lay in the stockroom
One of the Mormon boys that comes to the door is really sexy and I always think 'I would absolutely destroy your faith'
OH GOD IT TASTES LIKE IT SMELLS
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