Spraying perfume on pants makes them clean right?
Last night you were talking while puking saying, "ahh the shoes and the purse, I'm gonna have to wash those"
I asked you if you were ok and you said "dude I'm fine, I'm in the recovery position"
We were laying in the basement dry humping to the rhythm of the washing machine
Showerbowl immediately followed by pullups naked. I feel like fucking Tarzan
I need a Xanax. A Veggie Delight. And exhibition style sex.
About to go out with the girl of my dreams tonight. I am looking at one of her hottest fb pics, to practice not looking at her huge tits.
apparently they stopped looking at spit swabs under the microscope in bio ever since they found a sperm cell in one students sample
A dude was barking out of one of the buildings so I barked back and he goes, "Oh shit! She barked back! Come to room 803 I'll fuck you!"
I wouldn't hate if he could handle a sex only type of ship. I really don't want to use the word "relation" in front of that.
Is it totally terrible that I just signed up for classes and already found the guy I'm going to bang??
I'm excited for him and his new girlfriend. I'm just going to miss his penis is what I'm saying.
Last night a drunk chick tried to lick me. If you are trying to lick the zombies, you are too drunk for the haunted house.
Bitch got stabbed in the eye. With a fork. Wait for it... At church. I was the only one at a party interested in her story. Only in the south
There's a little game I've come up with since the mess of a party I had; it's called "tinsel or condom wrapper? (or: what's that on the floor?)"
Randomize
