??? When I first met her at the bar, she told me she was 23. After I bought her 3 shots of tequila, she told me she was really only 21. When we went back to my house, she said she was really only 19. She's still sleeping next to me butt naked. I'm afraid if she opens her mouth again I could be looking at 10 years.
I just found out the guys at work had a bet as to who could sleep with me before i move away.
Who won?
All of them.
Someone left a shot of disaronno in a champagne glass here this morning... flip a coin?
Just tell him to eat fruit before so it tastes good. Then it's just like shotgunning a smoothie
in light of our recent drunken behavior, i think it's time we seriously consider hiring ourselves a babysitter.
Waking and baking has revolutionized how i brush my teeth. Seriously up to like 25 min everry morn. Highly recommend
Do you remember calling me and dedicating a shot to me?
As I sit on the toilet at 4 am I realize tonight could have gone a lot better
I shouldn't be that hard, but i cant exactly put "a guy to tie me up and fuck me and then brush my hair" in my dating profile
I just threw up birthday cake.. who's birthday was it?
Not sure when or why this happened but I just stopped giving a shit about everything
When the state fair security guard came to yell at her for having outside food and drink she threatened to kick him if he tried to stop her and then she proceeded to chug the whole bottle.
classic
He's not put together enough to have that big of a dick
Do you think if I explain to her I want to have loud, unprotected sex with her sister she'll understand?
She picked a quarter off the floor, kissed it "for luck" and won the $20,000 jackpot. She bought dinner and stayed sober to drive us home. This is a typical example of a visit with my sister.
Randomize
