Will you take my knitting needle, stick it far up my nose, reach in my frontal lobe and give it a few swirls?
Just watched 1 guy 1 jar with my mom. Awkwardville...
I mean i might have to drop this class tomorrow. I just walked into a midterm
three guys just busted into my bio lecture, yelled "happy st. patrick's day!", downed jagerbombs, and left.
she was drinking until 3, woke up at 7, shouted 'I'M STILL DRUNK" and went out for a jog in her thong
Evidently I told a girl she should leave the bar because no one wanted to fuck her.
Siri just reminded me to pickup Plan B
I just want to have weird supply closet sex with him... and then I'll be all set. Fired, but all set.
You threw an open can of pop at me while I was lying on the floor babbling and drooling about how I need to be alone forever, me and my leaking face.
Before you even think your day was worse than mine, I had to disinfect and and stitch another dude's penis after his prince Albert got ripped out by an angry chick.
I've honestly never felt so much emotion towards a wall
He took my virginity but also my remaining pizza. i dont know how to feel right now.
Had a dream I cut my own dick off. That's it I gotta see a doctor...
Umm
Exactly.
They made up a new version of "Smash or Pass" called "I would(n't) let you sit on my face" to yell at the freshman
We've been watching Scooby Doo and having sex for the past 36 hours, so life is great
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