On friday while at the hotel bar by myself (creepy) I made friends w/ a millionaire who said he may be running for the position of mayor in richmond va (likely a lie). At one point during our discourse he asked if I was crazy. In the effort of full disclosure I looked him in the eye and said yes
I don't know what prompted his inquiry, clearly this man had impeccable intuition
I want to snug with you.
You want my snuggie?
My bed smells like naked
Haha. At least it doesn't smell like herpes
Just checked an empty cooler on the flight to Notre Dame. You don't have to tell me you're jealous, I already know.
When I find myself drinking from a boot I just go with it and refuse to ask why.
She passed out in his mom's bed and when we went to go get her she went 'no its cool I live here'.
Until you wake up with a Hustler club stripper in the next room whose nipple you were coerced to lick at Snake & Jake's after breaking up a fight between an Indian and a Filipino, I don't wanna hear about your weird.
It must have been an amazing night, I have "my pants are responsible people" written on my pants in permanent marker.
If her puking on your pool table is her sign of a good night, it's time to intervene.
Yeah I just gotta do it so that my major doesn't find out. Doesn't look good having a stripper teach your 3rd grader
I am honestly trying to remember his name. All I can remember is that he had a weird mole, a daughter and a lot of cocaine. Please stop letting me pick up at gay night.
The entire state will know me by my boobs.
He's like a unicorn and I just wanna domesticate him
I just need some breakup sex yanno like filthy wish fulfilling breakup sex to make me forget what I never had
It started getting weird when you decided to scold my vagina.
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