I used a bag of wine as a pillow last night.
I'm laying here in fetal position. I feel like a traffic cone
Beautiful fucking linguistics Shakespeare, but youre still not doing that to my face
So I have a scar from when the stripper tore off my underwear .... Best birthday ever
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I can't believe I ever hated her sister or friends. They got her some sexy sexy ass lingerie for the honeymoon. I think I love them bitches
I'll text you later. I think she thinks we're taking this whole "no sex" thing seriously.
Long story short I'm making an I'm sorry card for a girl I dont remember having sex with
She gave me a can of steel reserve to pour on myself in the shower
Yeah we were on bar number 7 on our bike trail and you decided to steal my bike and we found you 20 minutes later eating Cheetos in the shallow end of your parents pool
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Hey. Im sorry to bother you but I just watched the seinfield episode about faking an orgasm and it caused me to second guess myself. Were you satisfied?
Today would have been my 8th wedding anniversary and I woke up with a hot European guy in my bed. Divorce has it's perks.
So i came so hard i almost passed out, where has this vibrator been all my life?
Black magic does not go near my vagina, it's a rule
I just gave a fucking twenty minute blowiob.. I'm a GOOD girlfriend.
I'm at the fucking ritz Carlton and I would leave here to cuddle with her. Not even fuck, just cuddle. What th hell is wrong with me?
I think it's called love, bro
Randomize