I don't know whether I should be pissed that there's glitter in my bed or proud that there's semen in there too.
No shame. Just smoked a bowl with a Norwegian. Feels like something to cross off a list.
I'm also annoyed at my horoscope for not warning me of my perils
Drunk roommate walked in on us and asked if we wanted to go eat a sandwich with her in the bathroom.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Thanks for talking me down from peeing on his window last night.
I am now curious as to how you would have aimed.
I distinctly remember seeing your nipples from the deck.
Do something fun then. Blow up the house or whatever.
How have you survived this long?
Dumb luck and a deal with the devil.
i'm laying here naked in a pile of empty landshark bottles, is lauren still hiding under the toilet?
I texted him that I wanted to be more than fuck buddies so when I came over he gave me a punch card. He takes me I dinner every 10 fucks.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
he went at my nipples like a starved dog.
you were drunkenly making out with a 20-something in front of your wife. at least the guy your wife left with was decent looking.
I can't believe I came last night staring into my profile pictures eyes.
I will forever remember this as The Great Jalepeno Cock Burn of 2014.
There is a cooked ham in the washing machine.
You really need to not quote Anchorman while I'm giving you a serious blowjob.
Randomize