She was like a white Oprah, but with less conviction.
I was just walking through Burbank and saw a hobo using solar panels on his shopping cart. We must be in trouble if the hobos are researching alternative sources of fuel...
she was trying to give me a handjob in biology class while we were learning about the penis.
When I woke up in the parking lot today I decided it is not a good idea to hang out with you anymore.
i literally paused in the middle of it, turned on my light, pointed to the picture netxt to my bed and go "you hooked up with my roommate too!!! AWWW!" he was so weirded out. i don't think he understands the relationship we have..we share..
I just want dick. Yours just gets priority because it is glorious
you dipped you banana in queso last night.
He's just giving off this "someone be a bitch to me" vibe
Gosh, I don't even have that. Let alone someone to tie me up and whip me with Twizzlers.
this lady just pulled corn on the cob out of her purse
People like that make this world a better place.
hey dude my crackhead idol just taught me a great way to tie shoes
Locals got pissed I was talking to the barmaid. Tried to tell me that they keep all the good beer at "a Soho walkup" Google saved me
When dressing for a 3way, how do I convey to the other chick I care enough to look pretty but not so much that it's a huge deal?
The sex may be the only reason I like him. I've confused the multiple orgasms for feelings.
Two old ladies openly mocked me this morning at drunk breakfast. Is it time to reevaluate my life choices?
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