I think drunk me is telling hungover me something... I just have to crack the code.
Is it socially acceptable to order two burrito bowls?
anything's socially acceptable if you do it with enough confidence
As I was going down on her I noticed she had a tatoo on her inner thigh that said "Eat it like your birthday cake".
Come scavenge bits of tuna out of my chest hair
He just called shotgun on the way to the squad car.
Tell him next time im gonna be "disgrace to the family" drunk
I'm not sure if it was sex or spear fishing. He goes in for it like he's crash landing a rocket
Just disregard the tooth in the plastic bag in the fridge.
Just witnessed my roommate pick her nose and eat it in her sleep. Remember, you made out with that.
Zombie crawl summary: 5 of 6 friends successfully laid. friend 6 too drunk to care and making out with a whale (not a costume)
I swear to god little potato creatures live inside Belvedere bottles and claw at your throat as you swallow shots.
Build a thousand brigdes, lick one butthole. What am I remembered for? Buttholelicking.
Some guy Just sang about my ass on the street
It was terrible lyrics but I would have thrown my life savings into that guitar case if I had any.
Did you get any pics? And I can only imagine how inferior you must have felt knowing that somewhere in that room was a guy whose penis was the length of your forearm.
Throwing my sister a bisexual bachelorette party was the best idea ever. I made out with both strippers and the hot bartender promised to "gay marry" me if I take him as my date to the wedding.
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