hey i know this is weird but does alcohol affect pregnancy tests?
I am swimming in semen. He must have been holding it in for a special occasion.
Only my sister would update her facebook status while going into labor.
What is the pluralization of human? I just got humen rejected, and I am going completely blank...
Nothing says "This dudes gotta go" better than a boner on your back waking you @ 5 in the morning
day 8: i just gave goat a piece of pineapple soaked in rum. as an animal science major, im ashamed. as a normal person, it was awesome.
I think theres a high possibility i could be flammable.
If he's dead I'm so gonna get the blame. I have his passport, keys and his tooth in my purse.
just had to sit in the middle of an aisle in stop and shop because we're too hungover and needed to take a break.
Sometimes crazy just comes naturally. I don't need booze to say that on occasion I feel the need to rip off my asshole and throw it against the fridge to see if it sticks.
Ok so I didn't mean for his first impression of me to be lying face down on his roommates bedrooms floor throwing up my jäger but it happened. Atleast my ass looked good in those jeans. Think I still have a shot?
I can already feel the hangover I'll be having on New Year's Day. I don't know if I'm prepared for this.
For new year's, we should just keep our resolution simple and keep accomplishing burpees in heels.... while drunk.
YO I WASNT TRYING TO MAKE A PASS AT YOU.... Or Jesus
well whats the tarot card for I'm totes going to be schlobbing his cob? because that's in his future.
Randomize
