I haven't seen Daniella all day...are you sure she was safe going home with that guy?
oh don't worry! i asked him if he was a rapist. he said no
i felt like we were having sex on ultimate fighter, and people on the outside kept yelling ELBOW ELBOW! KNEES KNEES!
Fair warning.. porn on your laptop when you turn it on.. seemed like a wonderful idea last night.. until it died
Just saw the first guy I gave head to lose in the french open...some how I feel better that my mistake made it to the same mistake as our relationship, the third round. Don't judge.
I've gotten 23 condolence texts about Germany's defeat. I got 3 for our break-up. That's how much my friends don't like you.
I woke up with a random mailbox in my room with a note that said "this should probably be returned. Happy Thursday!"
You have permanently scared my back with your nails. I would like to congratulate you on a job well done.
Couple of things: my nipples are blue and knowing that at some point I'm going to have to poop is incredibly terrifying
Apparently I'm short enough to sit on his lap and fuck him while he is driving because the cop didn't notice.
YOU ARE THE WORST TRAVEL AGENT! THIS IS A SINGLES CRUSE FOR SENIORS. THEY ALL THINK IM THE FUCKING WAITRESS JUST CAUSE IM BLACK!!!
Steve brought 6 joints and 2 bottles of makers mark, Josh shat himself in the pool, and Amy blew me. Hope that extra 3 dollars an hour for working overnights is still worth it.
And now whenever I see a documentary about dolphins, I think about sex, which is super weird
When you wake up to a porn star on your couch telling you, you better tell your boyfriend about last night.
It was after I slept with him he tells me he's a juggalo
Well it was nice knowing him
I parked in the SAE Fraternity lot and left a note that said if you don't tow me you will all get a blowjob.
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