Tall, dark & handsome can suck my short, pale & awkward dick.
i hate that site..its like every vagina you dont wanna see
whos cum tastes better, a guy who drinks apple juice or cranberry juice?
Not cool at all. Last night I organized my condoms by expiration date. I need to get laid.
I'm gonna wear that dress that makes me look like a slut. You know, the one your sister got arrested in.
I have yet found the courage to put pants on. No judgement thursday led to no shower friday and now no pants saturday. God i miss college.
As if me making pizza in a skillet wasn't enough proof that I was in no state to be cooking, this burn blister on my hand is
Now I can say "look me up on Pornhub."
yeah she's crazy. she fought a possum in my alley because it was "being a cagey little cunt"
well at least you didn't have your nipples chewed last night
Best thing I ever did was get a dog. She's like a living trip alarm to warn me of visitors while I'm masturbating.
Wanna have a sleepover and take me to court in the morning?
they told me that it was glow in the dark and would make me magical. I was too drunk to say no. I woke up to a purple vagina.
its like a neon Im stupid as fuck sign
I'm with jana at walgreens picking out penis rings.... Did you know they sell vibrators at walgreens? Wtf?
Don’t drink the Bloody Mary - it’s vodka and salsa.
Randomize
