We made it safely. Thanks for the call though.
Great. Don't do shady things like that ok?
But he was like 75 and lives right near mom and dad. Not a threat at all.
When my options for Friday night are being a 3rd wheel or bringing a gay man as my date i need to focus on other things in life like having a successful career.
At barnes & noble, drinking beer out of thermoses, lookin legit.
i'm thankful for my girlfriend's hot cousins....god, i love her family parties.
He puts stickers to promote his new shirt company in every sack he sells. He's like the donald trump of weed
The difference between what I would do for a regular Klondike bar and an Oreo flavored Klondike bar is astounding
i just remebered that we smoked out my hamster yesterday...
i hope hes still alive. i just remember you give him a shit load of cereal and saying "trust me your going to need it"
I'm drinking carlo rossi straight from the jug. I don't have any clean cups...how am I still at this point in my life...
Well, I looked over and you and him were each making out with a fireman. And then you switched. And you probably spent an hour like that.
Currently cooking 3lbs of bacon in case the power goes out bc if even one slice of bacon goes to waste then sandy wins
If the sex wasn't incredible why would I compare it to cheesy tots
Only a true best friend would remind you to make sure your cucumber dildo is organic
Waking up next to a guy you don't remember going home with and the first thing you say is: where is my tiara? = successful birthday
If it involves notarization or the Misfits, I am up to date. Anything else, I know fuck-all.
My girlfriend is so strong now. Like on the one hand its kind of hot because she can pin me down during sex, but on the other hand she picked me up and carried me bridal style at the company bbq.
Randomize
