You know you want to come over later
1:27a: Um no
1:45a: Maybe
2:05a: Probably
2:38a: I'm outside, let me in
No. I broke it. Note to self, never take a shower with your phone in your pocket.
you made me watch la bamba, and then you yelled at me for disrespecting your mexican heritage.
while you were getting the key to the dorm from the lobby i was giving a drunk monolog to the security camera about my life
its barely noon and he already threw up and i have second degree burn
I vomited in the sink and my bra was in there...I don't even have words to describe this hangover confusion
he told me he was watching a movie and he'd be over later and i asked how long. he said 8 inches give or take. you cease to amaze me with the guys you set me up with.
no more duck duck goose at the bar
Can we dedicate this weekends marathon sexcapades to all the haters?
I will rip it off your body in ways are socially offensive but you still kind of like.
One does not fall in love, one falls flat on the their face after leaving a bar
Oh man 11pm. That means it's time to take my shirt off an eat a brownie
I told her my blood type was O Positive and we started making out. Bio majors are weird.
She bit my shoulder during foreplay last night, and it's already infected. I think she has rabies.
who are you talking about my vagina to?!
Randomize
