Better skin, bigger boobs.. Birth control is INCREASING my chance of getting pregnant because people actually want to have sex with me now.
I'm gonna get drunk and through up on the first happy couple I see.
I love seeing you outside of a bar. It's like seeing a dog walk on its hind legs
I hope his life after cheating on me is as good as Tiger's golf game is these days.
She's yelling about threesomes and realllly wants you to come over. Put the pieces together.
When I don't want to forget things I put them on my cigs.
C smoking isn't all bad
How do you not remember?? She kept putting a dollar on her waistband and insisting it was all you can eat under a dollar
Took me 10 minutes of oral to finally get him hard for like 30 seconds of sex until he came and passed out. Def not worth the ROI.
Funny, 'cause his story is it went great. He faked passing out so he wouldn't have to do anything in return.
I am gathering blankets and bags of horse grain to pad my truck bed so I have a comfy place to crash when I get home, without the inconvenience of stairs. Or doors. Or walking. But with the refreshing scent of molasses.
Got serenaded to on the streets of Denver...the song was about a young banana that made really big decisions, got stds, and joined a gang. I think I like Colorado
Tell me again why I left before the topless cake fight
Im having a st. Get way fucked till i speak Irish pre game party. Bring a compass cause we are about to get lost
Okay, tomorrow we'll have a day of life-sorting and plasma-selling.
With gravity the way it is and your butt clearly being the size of a bus you'd break your hip or something
Bahahah I should. I’m the free range drunk girl who should clearly not be free range because who knows what kind of fuckery I would get into
Randomize
