One of my boys faked an orgasm while fucking a girl tonite, w/ out wearing a condom mind you.
She caught him, and immediately put her clothes on and left.
found an unmarked box of photos in the garage, they were from when my parents first got together. It was fun laughing at their ridiculous eighties outfits and hairstyles, until I found a pic of my dad. naked. with a boner.
Not only do prius' look terrible they are terrible to have sex in
Just found out my mom tried to sue the birth control company when she got pregnant with me...love you too mom.
Are you pissed because you didn't get action, or the fact i got boned twice in public places tonight?
What are the signs of a concussion? Please don't freak out.
Fuck your 100 proof Hot Damn. Do you know what 100 proof vomit tastes like? Anger.
I'm doing the Macarena naked in my living room right now
I see you're taking unemployment seriously.
I am alternating between eating dry cheerios and mint chocolate chip ice cream with a fork. Please love me because no one else will
Also, yes, I look pretty rough. But my ovaries fought back this morning so getting dressed decently was not a priority.
Long story short I'm making an I'm sorry card for a girl I dont remember having sex with
I asked him to explain what he meant by "hooking up" in paragraph form
Who's the naked guy asleep in your car?
One. But meh. I upped my age limit to like 29 hoping I'll match with this one fedex guy that delivers packages to my work
I was taking a nap and she comes in wo/ pants, gets up on the bed and mounts my face while watching Weeds on Netflix. I'm okay with it, but at least let me wake up first.
Randomize
