He had some BAD nuttage
Nuttage?
It's like cleavage......... but different
Have you ever been so weak from sleep you couldn't push your poo out?
I think the universe is against us being together. Or maybe it's just god's way of telling me there is a bigger dick out there for me.
A guy on the street just growled at me and said damnnnn. Sometimes it scares me how attractive i am.
Did we have sex last night or did we just wake up naked covered in oil?
Woke up with a full plate of KFC next to my face. I didn't really question it.
You went around chanting "dinosaur period" and drinking tomato soup from the can.
Found your glasses drenched in ketchup on my driveway this morning
He's tweaking out . If he's on fucking bathsalts and eats my face like a chalupa pull the plug. I don't want to live with no fucking face. Pull. The. Plug.
Oh god. Just tried to hail a pizza delivery car. Awkward.
International sake day = success
There's a guy here who is improvising his own shadow dance on a table against the wall, in case you're wondering how my night is going
I wish I could send you one of those donuts I had. Like teleport it to you. Because it would change your life
My cat took a shit on the guy who passed out in the bathtub
My vagina knows your penis is sad about Andrew Luck. You should come over and let her comfort him in his time of need
Stacy lit a fart and burn half of the couch down before we can put the Flames out. Bring your truck.
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