Just saw a guy doing jumping jacks at the gym. I don't even have to create a punch line for that
Definitely almost got hit in the face with a baby
he picked an earring up off the bar floor and tried to give it to girls as a present.
Chelsea passed out in the kiddie pool. Just added around 28 boxes of jello powder. Will let you know how it works out
He's had mdma poured down his throat. He's getting huggy.
Tipped our cab with a photo booth pic of us, a paper dollar, a dollar in quarters, a crest white strip. And a tanning pass valid in boston
There are rocks in my bed. And dirt all over my face. Explain?
I sat on the toilet and peed through my jeans, then I pissed the bed and blamed him...do you think well have a 2nd date?
She was just a sweet cute intern for us until I saw her naked in my bed the day after the Christmas party
I think I may be the only girl in the world that can say she has fallen asleep grasping a penis..... 3 different times...... 3 different penises
she wanted me to tie her up with my playstation charger cord. i kept on hoping she wasn't a squirter. those cords r expensive. could have def been a Sony commercial tho
One of your snapchats was of you with a 40oz of Mickeys and the caption: "Deep Throat back in her natural habitat"
Somehow you're a lightweight AND an alcoholic. Rare combo in one person. Well done.
Please don't try and hook up with one of your high school teacher's friends
Accidentally texted co-worker instead of bf “I’m wfh tomrw. Nooner? 💦”
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