By the end of the second bowl I was making sound effects to every hand movement he made.
she's walking around the room telling people she can make the room move with her mind and then she shakes her head really fast yelling 'see?!'
You should have seen the look on the cashiers face when I was buying steel reserve with a suit on.
I think this dress is screaming I want a birthday 3some with two moderately attractive guys. I hope.
Call me pathetic, but saying "tits for ireland" is working out really well on chatroulette today.
Some guy just delivered flowers to my roommate cause he fell off a roof onto her at a party last night. I think they have a date tomorrow.
im failing my bio class b/c he booty calls me wednesday nights at 6 like clockwork
Things you owe me: a sober apology, $12, the removal of bbq sauce from my doorknob
what's an appropriate "I'm fucking your grandson but I'm trying to hide it" outfit?
He did a 4 wheel burnout and yelled at the cops "Sorry! It's for a school project!". HOW does he think of this shit?
The inside of my nose has felt like the guy's face falling off from raiders of the lost ark all week
Also, my phone suggested the phrase “puke in the mailbox" how many times have I had the need to text that to people?
I kept falling all over the place and yelled at the bouncer you can't kick me out I'm from Texas.
Idk... I'm not sure why anyone would use a flesh light in general. Let alone hook it up to a wifi device.
guess who smoked weed with their grandpa tonight. and no it wasn't me.
Randomize
