I just chased the everclear with Listerine...I think I found my new chaser!
I wish I could donate my sober boners to my whiskey dick
Woke up with an epic boner today, the kind where you can spin books and shit on it. FYI: don't try spinning an encyclopedia
sorry for throwing an entire water bottle of vodka at you. It was very wasteful
Dont even bother asking why she was dancing with him on top of a door, let alone how the door ended up being used as a table.
stuck in the elevator with that hot guy from the 3rd flood. Worried he can smell my spray tan and desperation
He autographed my vag. This fuck just got authentic.
Went to a date party without a date and had a threesome wooops
So I was trying to finish off that sick uv whipped and I chased it with yogurt. Not a good idea
I feel like captain Morgan put his peg leg up my ass
I'd let you fuck my husband in the future, that's how much I love you
I have a bottle of vodka wrapped in a leg warmer in my purse. This is what it takes to get through Christmas with my family.
last night i fell off a barstool and busted my nose. i can regretfully say that i didn't see cherub last night.
Like, I don't need to know your life dude. I just need you to suck my tits.
Couch. On fire.
Randomize
