how can u be prego again
I am SOOO high
tell me about your high
HUGE THUMBTACKS
girl has like over 50 stars tattooed on her front, side and back. feels like i just fucked the universe.
cab driver says "I saw your friend who opens her legs. she went home with two guys." pretty sure he was talking about you
Am I the only one creeped out by the guy asleep behind our couch?
why the fuck would he compare you to sexy aquatic creatures?
He hit on a bridal shower w/ his hand on my tit the entire time. Gave his number to the mom.
Snorting lines of xanex off the back of my grandparents toilet before church. Thinking of u.
this night just went from meh to biblical thanks to drunk naked yahtzee
This stupid maranara sauce stain sucks. It keeps distracting me and it looks like I'm staring at my tits.
Can I come by? I want you to meet my squirrel
Just realized I'm still chewing the same gum post blow job. This Stride shit really has everlasting flavor. They should totally have an ad campaign based on blow jobs.
It's like the hunger games, but we're gonna bone each other instead of kill each other
When I came out of the bathroom you were naked dead asleep on the couch but your dick was still rock hard standing straight up. I almost took a pic. It was impressive.
Don’t worry I was with my ex husband for 10 years and he could never remember the year I was born, when our dating anniversary was or what year I graduated high school. But I still know that mother fuckers SSN lol
Randomize
