Hey, It's Lauren. i wanted to talk to you tonight. I like you, as you know because kyle told you. I was wondering if you liked me too?
Are you in the third fucking grade? Check yes or no.
singing on the bus should be illegal
huh?
There's a group of like 8 white people in the back of the bus harmonizing to sugar we're going down
im in a room full of women tattooing each others tits. i hope i remember this tomorrow
No, drunk sperm still make babies.
According to google history I spent most of last night trying to buy an elephant.
All she said was "the usual?" and unzipped my pants.
Just showered now I smell like berries instead of shame
The only thing he had going for him was mad fingering skills. the ONLY thing. crayons have a wider circumference.
She wants me to spank her and yell "Kerry! Your father is disappointed with your choices!" Fuck up but crazy hot? Or just fuck up crazy?
Do I like my job? I just bought 1/2 oz of pot from my supervisor at work. At a discount. And he said, "pay me whenever."
My boobs love her too. She makes them feel important even though they're small
I drank a girls breast milk at this wedding. Shit was next level
Never play truth or dare with a girl who carries a dildo in her purse. I'll never go to a Denny's again.
He radiates elegant sexual dominance. I bet even his balls have pinstripes.
whole 5th of capt = waking up in the shower after 2 hours and the whole house asking why i'm STILL in a towel. and me having nothing to say
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