Why is it that you only get to have sex when you haven't shaved your legs in six weeks and are wearing period stained granny panties?
similar to the time we made up the game of screaming at the top of our lungs any time a guy any of us slept with walked into the party. that went over SO well.
Yeah she is in it for the money, wait til she finds out i am broke and the sex doesnt get better
there is nothing like a happy birthday present when you wake up with a bow on your vagina.
Here's how he asked the pregnant girl for a cigarette. Hey yo prego throw me a square. Not joking.
My dick can't jump between your dick and her mouth, man. It's impossible, I think.
It's accurate though. I am legitimately passionate about pickles. I crave pickles the same way I crave sex. It is a deep rooted animalistic need
I kept having to give myself encouraging advice like, "you know how a path works"
I just hip-checked Santa and stole his cab.
It's a good thing he's hot, because it seemed like he was trying to do CPR on my private parts
Business idea: assless chaps for toddlers. I'm high.
go for it girl, the world is ur dick oyster
It feels appropriate that the wallet of my high school and college years would die at the hands of a spilled bong. Which in and of itself is a solid metaphor for those years.
How much weed should I buy my mom for her birthday?
So what if is hockey, you don’t turn down sex with a professional athlete. They work out all day and have amazing stamina. Your vagina will thank you!
Randomize
