So I think I might still secretly love him despite the ass licking...
Hey ass licking is a very nice and intimate thing! Don't discredit your feelings
But what if he licks everyones ass?
she's walking around the room telling people she can make the room move with her mind and then she shakes her head really fast yelling 'see?!'
the people of mcdonalds are all starring at me & this dude like they know we just slept together
Until he has ordered mozzarella sticks & beers at 2pm while wearing formal attire, then this is still my bar.
I passed out and woke up with my pockets full of Lucky Charms cereal and chocolate coins. Another successful St Pattys Day.
It's like alcoholism for beginners at my kitchen table.
I'm not throwing down for dinner because I plan to have so much tequila I puke it up anyways. How much is a cab home?
When I got up in the middle of the night, puked in his trash can, and snuck out the front door, I pretty sure he knew it was over.
I just did a Kegel and my back popped. My vagina is a gift to penises everywhere.
Alright, text me when you get close. I've got a mustache and I'm ready to get my day drunk on.
We had half a pitcher of beer left and he asked us if we wanted a to-go cup. Fuck yeah we want it to-go.
NO SHITSVILLE I just saw a homeless dude punch a pigeon that flew by him
I find it fascinating that she'd be more comfortable with her mom finding out she submits dirty disney confessions on tumblr than about her secret email account she uses to chat with dutch and brazilian strangers.
You asked to borrow my glasses for a moment. Then you whipped them at someone's head.
I think I accidentally got a sugar daddy but I was already planning on sleeping with him so I’m going to see where this goes
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