So he flipped me over and suddenly went limp then told me he was thinking about his ex.
so you punched his junk, right?
Wish you were here....
And I wish your mouth was around my cock, but that never happens, does it?
no seriously. she's even got the premier of the real L word on her calendar at work. that lesbian.
i lost virginity while listening to candy shop. something in my life has finally gone right.
I found my phone outside under the leaves by the curb. What the fuck did I do last night
He gave me a card that said "I'm so glad we found each other... In the pants" and a pat on the head... My walk of Shame wasn't so bad.
The shit show didn't end. it just relocated itself to my apartment instead of yours.
you also need to get my treadmill fixed.
I sent two dick pics to a wrong number and one was in .gif format so it was helicoptering all over the place. I single handedly ruined a child's life.
Please tell me that is you having sex in my car in my driveway and not a complete stranger.
They're playing house music in my dentists office again, wtf is wrong with these people. That's not the music you want to get a root canal to
His chest is so hairy i want to pet it with my nipples.
Sometimes I think he has a hidden camera in my vagina so he knows what I'm doing and saying at all times...
I also need to get my life together but instead I just eat spoonfuls of Nutella. We can't win 'em all
My favorite part was when you kept telling everyone you were being "green" by drinking straight out of the bottle so u weren't wasting a cup.
I told him that he could either pay the 10 dollars for the box of condoms or I'll make him pay for the diapers.
Randomize
