finally nailed that neighbor chick. hopefully i can get her wireless password now. free internet trumps moral standards any day
I just saw a kid drop his lollipop on the floor of best buy, kick it because he was pissed off and then pick it up and eat it. I think I have a long lost son.
you threw up out the window, wiped your face with a twenty dollar bill, and threw that out the window too.
did we at least go back and get it?
how else do you think we got jack in the box...?
Just took a celebratory "i havent slept with anyone in this bar" shot. yesssss....
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Here's the thing. I'm really high and have lots of questions about lightning.
No. He just yelled "youre having one more orgasm!" So he made that happen and then he rolled over and went to sleep.
Everything's fine I'm just stoned and my pillows are too soft.
We found you naked curled up in a ball in the closet, using a gorilla suit as a blanket
It was like stroking your vagina with a cloud.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I told her the job opening requires being on the phone during the week and on my face on the weekends. I think she wants the job.
I'm watching my cat lick a used condom wrapper on my nightstand and I'm too hungover to move and do anything about it. Tequila Tuesdays can not be a thing.
We got to the second bar and all he kept saying was "I'm on an alcohol safari!" Best 21st birthday ever.
You just sat there for two solid hours staring at your monitor and every five minutes screamed "LEGOOOOOS"
I did stay at work til 5 but for the last hour I was just taking naked pics on my desk for some tinder guy
I think the pizza delivery guy is getting a handjob next door.
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