Some guy just watched me feed 30 dimes and 3 quarters for bread and cheese at the self checkout at walmart. I no longer comprehend shame...
Just TALKING to him is better than banging my bf, imagine what actual banging will be like.
I took the precaution of putting my macbook the one place in the dorm there is no way i can piss on it... the toilet
dude chill. we stole 18 hamburgers from her house
no. you cant fuck a burger.
I'm stoned and just shared 4 cookies with this chicks dog
They're raisins though so they're healthy. No worries.
Blonde girl lying face-down, passed out next to my bed, walls are covered in guacamole. College is looking excellent.
His penis smells like laundry I just wanted to cuddle it
So I was thinking for Halloween I'd do Dr. Jekyll and Mr. Hyde....for my vagina.
Sex should always be followed by Chinese food in bed.
when you come home i just want to let you know we are cats now. and we are out of eggs.
I got so stoned last night I thought I was in second grade again
so let me get this straight... she's showing a cameltoe that can be seen from the space station and I'm NOT supposed to stare?
I wore a bathing suit downtown so I didn't have to put on underwear, I obviously don't have my shit together
Well, I hope you're having fun. I'm just gonna lay here and wait for death - shouldn't be long now.
Where can I buy a stripper pole at midnight on a Sunday?
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