It's hipsters with their motorcycle cop mustaches, moccasins, douchey irony, and department stores to supply their independent conformity
Something's gotta give!
How wet are you?
Ever heard of a U-boat?
just went onto Yahoo and the featured article had a picture of one of the Jonas brothers. last two times the featured article was a celebrity's face the headline was "Michael Jackson is Dead" and "Pitchman Billy Mays is Dead" so naturally I got a little excited. Turns out he's just engaged. Who gives a fuck.
soo according to the calendar on my phone, I'm 5 minutes late to have sex with that guy from work. Apparently we planned this, I even set an alarm.
we better have passed that bar exam - i dont want to have to drink like this again
Fact: my bamboo plant has grown 2 & 1/2 inches since I started watering it with bong water
my mom just wingman'd for me at a bar. i really don't know what else to say.
Don't blame the cocaine for your eating disorder.
Wow. I grabbed the wrong container to rinse my contacts- it was a beer. And it comes out waaaay faster than saline.
Made out with a chick in front of a girl I'm banging and successfully reDENNISed her within 9 hours
Sorry, I was trapped in a small closet behind a washer. What's up?
I have accepted that I am a sexual predator. What I can't accept is the lack of sexual men for me to seduce in this town.
So yes we had an orgy last night and I sucked your tits while you fucked my husband but I am weird about sharing my toothbrush.
I think I need practice at oral sex
I own a practice facility.
I don't know who he was but he was covered up with a shower curtain and ate a whole bottle of tums
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