he needs to stop telling all his friends what my queefs sound like. its getting awkward to be around people who can quote my vagina.
A. What the fuck are period panties? B. Don't ever wear them around me... or bears.
Need to stop getting stoned with this chick, I keep waking up covered in pizza sauce
she said "i got this" and then fell on her face. within grabbing distance of the wall and her boyfriend
this islike a room full of reasons why i should be in prison
There is a pube in my fucking eyeball
I was scared that I should know him but I was too busy blacking out to remember
I learn from experience and I experienced what it would be like to completely lose my mind and then wake up with a stab wound.
I like how my motivation to lose weight is so I can wear a nude bikini and get covered in body paint for the tribal party. Priorities.
Dude, I puked in the stall for God knows how long. Halfway through, a kid sits down in the stall next to me and starts jacking off, i heard the porn on his phone and everything. so FYI, the middle stall is where good nights go to die
I'm actually more excited that I had so much sex this weekend that my ovaries hurt
I'm taking a shower and i'm gonna bring my pocketknife with me
I DONT WANT YOUR DICK. I WANT BRUNCH.
dude you pointed at my dad's crotch and said I'd tap that. I didn't even know you were gay.
I just deff did the walk of shame.. His roommate/manager woke us up. A dog scared me on my stumble to the car.
This is why I'm single.
Randomize
