someone shit in a solo cup and left it at the base of the stairs. fuck orlando dude.
part of me always dies a little when i go to the "2 women seeking 1 man" section in craigslist's casual encounters to find nothing there. it's tragic
remember what we learned. dont lure girls w/ food at the bar. u dont want those ones
It wasn't a wasted relationship. I got road-head in an Escalade. I still keep that with me.
Yep. Just threw myself a bachelorette party with my coworkers penis before I re-enter the holy order of monogomous relationships.
You are beautiful! I got thrown out of a bar tonight for throwing my shoe. It was at my sister, I don't know why they were mad. I know her.
Hahah fuuuck, bag pipers played around me while I threw up. Literally
He used the phrase "no problemo" in a sext. It's over.
So then you challenged the bartender to an arm wrestling contest for a free bottle of vodka
Sweet. Did I win?
Youre hungover arent you?
Such a good question, let's ask the alcohol gods for the answer.
I don't want to ruin date night, but you have no idea how hard it is to poop whilst looking at cute puppies.
I think i just shit in their garbage can, I'm ready for that ride u owe bro.
She throws back shots like they are NO-THING. I swear, she goes through like five straight tequila shots, does a jello shot, chases with half a hot dog, has a rum and coke, and then takes her shirt off and makes an impromptu bandage out of it for fuckin' Tim who cut himself on the flagpole. I'm going to marry her.
I keep worrying the police are going to come looking for us.
For which one? Starting a fire on my porch or having sex on my porch?
So I forgot to ask, how was that bartender you slept with two weeks ago?
Google chlamydia.
Randomize
