i ate 2 chicken nuggets and puked out 5. that doesn't even make mathematical sense
So drunk can't even tell it's my own house. WOaoOw.
the only thing i can think of after seeing avatar is "when are they gonna make avatar porn?"
Apparently I climbed into a dryer last night and refused to leave... There are pictures to prove it
She just took the bottle of jager to the bathroom and locked the door. Now I hear the water running..if the house floods she's paying for it
I figured that I'd start organizing the places ive given head. I'll add treehouse right after bandroom
threw up in the kitchen showroom. home depot employee of the month.
I'm mad at him and disappointed with you. It's like I put a bunch of effort into a PowerPoint of "what not to do with Zach" to show you and the first bullet point was "do not love him" and you're just disregarding all my effort and friendship.
I have to make mistakes myself to learn from them
FUCK YOU I AM MAKING A POWERPOINT
We can just chill or day drink or smoke or watch law and order marathon or play just dance 4 or watch a movie or go to the movies or play hide and seek or hug, so many options
Grindr hookup awareness: always make sure that you agree to blow one person and they aren't bringing a Friend/boyfriend. Shits weird when you're sober.
Her text was so long it had an arrow to expand it. You know it's bad when even your iPhone can't handle her
My New Years resolution is actually to be MORE petty
I was amazing, unlike anything he's ever experienced. I somehow made him feel young and old.and he never felt old before. He feels I will literally kill him. With my magic, lethal vagina.
The cat just brought me a bottle opener. I think she's my soulmate.
I'd ask how but then you'd tell me.
I looked into her soul, didn't I?
You eye-fucked her soul.
Randomize
