I glued a penny on the door Tricia believes its Patrick Swayze haunting our apartment. Fuckin potheads.
STOP SENDING ME DANCING JESUS FORWARDS.
Her boobs were tiny. I could have used her bra as a blind fold. Which in hindsight would have made things a lot better.
im drunk. people are steering their children away from me. whatever it is that you called for, I assure you that I don't care. have a good night
DRUNK CANOEING
Please text me if you survive.
LAND HO BITCH
Of course... Double fistin nati light cuz the powers out and it cuts down the times i gotta open the fridge... Genius
The worst thing about him living around the corner is that who ever suggests the booty call is the one that walks over.
It's hard to judge what a reasonable amount of cereal looks like in the spaghetti pot. We're out of cap'n crunch and milk.
Whoever labeled dysfunctional a bad thing obviously never saw this frinedship coming.
I found you in the bathroom. You were sitting cross-legged on the floor wearing nothing but socks completely surrounded by broken crayons.
Oh and Dustin informs me I'm a legend amongst the freshman, if you were wondering about my street cred
The only thing I had in my freezer before today was patron and cheese.
Odd start to the day - the FBI just showed up at my apartment.
I was all, oh. I've had tattoos and broken a limb. Waxing my lady parts will be a cake walk. I was wrong.
I got eaten out in the igloo at snow-kings castle last night.My thighs were literally melting ruts in the ice bench.Definitely colder than the minus 40 blowjob at Desiree's wedding
Randomize