That's why girls suck all the time. Blah blah nag nag drama drama buy me things but I won't touch your penis
woke up with 15 BAGS of hot dog buns in my passenger seat... jameson strikes again
Either she got face surgery at midnight, or i need to stop drinking...
Note to self: do not take so many shots that you sit on the floor under the bar where nobody can see you, and reach out and grab peoples crotch.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The only thing worse than being arrested is the fact the cop confiscated my green dinosaur costume.
I accidentally got a lemon stuck in your bong. I was trying to make it taste good. Sorry
Now I can say "look me up on Pornhub."
If I don't have hickies that last till tuesday, I didn't do this weekend right
So baked. About to eat a calzone then hate fuck this guy.
THAT'S MY GIRL
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Also, don't forget your plan to die young at a shrooms-fueled orgy.
We trekked into the state forest, laid the comforter down and he proceeded to tell me that we could stay here and stargaze, turned me around and fucked me like the lion king.
My phone just put together a highlight reel of yesterday's dick pic session, set to music and everything
They say find what you're good at... Evidently that's showing up late for everything, drinking, and eating cheese for me.
I'm literally trapped as the little spoon on a mattress on the floor of an unfinished basement with a professional athlete snoring in my hair
I’m sorry my lady boner messed up your mojo!!
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