we're going to dress like we're asking for it, because we are
i woke up to the sound of my roommate climbing onto my desk mumbling that she was going to bed
Shared a jello shot with her mom last night. then she tucked me in and took of my shoes for me
You know just sitting here carrying on a conversation with a 5 yr old about why there is puke at the landing of the staircase
Also, if you all get arrested i'm coming to laugh at you because i don't have the money for bail.
I took her to the bar and boom. All of my past slump busters were there. Shes cool enough to know what that means and said she was afraid they'd eat her so we left.
Who knows. I'd probably only get a makeout with an OTPHJ from her so the return on sexual investment from her isn't looking that great.
When I say "is it a bad idea to do Mollie before an 8hr shift tomorrow?" I dont want to hear the truth I want to hear you encouraging my bad decisions
My mom just called hysterical. She and her sister found my dead grandma's vibrator.
The apple don't fall far from that tree.
Dude. My tinder just blew up in Seattle. I'm moving here. I don't give a fuck
You was so high that you insisted that you heard someone whistle, then you insisted they was trapped in the wall!
I just had sex a few hours ago now i'm eating frozen yogurt making sex plans for tonight while catching Pokémon. What a time to be alive.
after we got done having sex, you rolled over and ask what your yelp review was. So yea I'm kinda mad.
At one point in the night, as we were running from the cops, I clearly remember you yelling "little gnomes are tickling the insides of my body!" ...that high.
So today the police came to my dorm to look for weed, i didn't have any in the room, so i let them in. they apologized for any inconvenience and then left after finding nothing. then i realized i was wearing gauges with weed leaves on them lol
Randomize
