I woke up to him eating me out, listening to classical music.
I JUST FOUND AN INTERNATIONAL POLE DANCING CHAMPIONSHIP IN SPANISH
My mom is lecturing me about 'invaluable housekeeping skills' while I google 'cocktails involving gin' on my phone. I can feel the generational gap looming in her silent judgment of my choices.
New brilliant plan: invite two random okcupid girls to the same bar at the same time, have them compete
Just saw a couple chasing each other on lawn mowers. Oh South Knoxville.
I just wish my penis was a person so I could give him a high five.
Now that mom and dad sold the camper, do you think it's okay to talk about all the sex I had in it?
Hoping to get a pic of me on the tractor with an erection for you one of these days.
On the flip side Weston asked if he could move me to Wisconsin to be his "moto hoe" which is actually a thing apparently
My throw up tasted like pumpkin, fall is right around the corner.
But I'm currently thinking of all my bad decision making last night and giving myself a time out.
Okay, so is being determined to have my vagina licked by a woman on Valentine's day an acceptable goal?
Had phone sex with my boss who I still haven’t seen in person. How’s your Monday ?
So I think my neighbor's name is Olli if I'm hearing the girl the girl he's fucking clearly
I admire the fact that you replicated my apartment on the roof but I would appreciate it more if you would move all my stuff off the roof and back into my apartment.
Randomize
