I'm drinking in the hospital parking lot.
Is it weird that I have contacts who i've classified as DO NOT ANSWER?
Lol no its called college
Sorry if I'm being weird. I'm dipping doritos in cabernet.
Good thing I took the morning after pill cuz I pretty much had packaged seamen in me like I was a squirrel saving it for later or something
It was worse than that time I did shots of BBQ sauce and pierced my own ear with a thumbtack
I mean I don't object to weird looking penis as long as it gets the job done. I just need to get it in. I'm gonna be humping chairs soon.
Will the fact that I have 4 boob hickies add to or take away from tonight's outfit?
MAYDAY. glass in foot, have crush on guy with mullet.life is over.
My day in three words: secret purse cake
That moment when your fucking in an airport bathroom and forget to lock the door. That poor man...scarred forever...
I can already feel the hangover I'll be having on New Year's Day. I don't know if I'm prepared for this.
But he was still all, "YOU TEXTED TONY WHILE YOU WERE GETTING FUCKED?!" Like THAT was the weird part.
we are not getting arrested this weekend. I don't care who I have to blow its just not happening.
And then she grabbed my dick and started singing 'ring ring ring ring banana phone'
She's wear your skin crazy! Is it wrong that I'm gonna fuck her 1 more time though?
Randomize
