He came through my line today and bought designer impostor perfume, just for men gel, and astroglide. I almost DIED.
so...dinner was kid's cuisine and a bottle of wine. i think they go well together.
you left a giant bottle of vodka in my room from last night. does this serve as a parting gift or hush money?
I'm pretty sure I just overheard my boss call his sperm precious metal...
he actually said the words "do you want to pet the lizard?" with a straight face as he unzipped his pants
The bar posted my picture because my name changes with each new fake i get. i'm getting a wig.
This Xanax laced vodka tonic will help me forget that all these spring breakers are all young enough to have been my students.
What was the name of the cook I had sex with at Famous Dave's?
Ugh I just wanna make an announcement like: Attention high school classmates: if we haven't spoken in 5 years, we don't need to start now. Please be on your way
This summer isn't about fun. We have to train our livers to survive the next four years.
the worst part was waking up this morning to his skrillex ringtone.....when was it ever okay for friends to let other friends go home WITH GUYS LIKE THAT!?
We need to figure out what we are doing for halloween asap. I'm not going out like a punk ass bitch burger king again this year.
I think these people may actually be nudists. You know it's bad when I feel uncomfortable.
I can not believe he edited a picture of our three way and made it his profile picture
I can get something to clone your cock for $40. It's worth it. It's my birthday present to myself.
OMG I CAN GET A GLOW-IN-THE-DARK ONE
Randomize
