I dated that bitch for 9 months and didnt get as much as a hand job. I met her sister last night for the first time and smashed that...twice
I respect that
I woke up hugging a loaf of bread and a water bottle this morning
My face left an imprint in the loaf...
So apparently after he gets hammered, falls down a set of stairs and gets a concussion, he can still come home and find a way to play his guitar solo bullshit as loud as possible while i seduce my date...
I stopped understanding conversations unrelated to vodka two vodkas ago.
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A small child is toddling around the store, holding a coloring book and a shot glass. Thinking of you.
He came in 20 minutes late for his final wearing plastic bags on his feet, and a tablecloth cape. Explain.
There's a Russian guy here. In the bar. Drinking vodka. Wearing a trench coat and a hat and a mustache. Idk where the confusion is.
I am convinced that after two dates and a few adult sleepovers that he still doesn't know my name.
I'm trimming my pubes right now and the battery was wearing down. So I chose to only trim one side. I cut the right side down and now I look like pubic two-face. Right all trim and near and left like a caveman.
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I think clothing becomes optional at the second date! But you seem like a rule breaker
It's almost sad. It's like the Harambe of vagina stories really.
After we had sex he went to the kitchen, came back with a bag of funyuns and ate them buck ass naked in his bedroom doorway. Had no idea how to react to that one.
We keep making plans but he keeps getting arrested. Such a tease
got the runs at the club last night. wondering when it'll be safe to show my face again.
as a lesbian i'd like to thank joe biden and also america for giving us this absolute MILF for a VP
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