I hate it when hot girls behave. It's so anticlimactic
Church boner. Awkwardddd
I'm the only kid serving jury duty. And I'm the only one who may walk out of here in handcuffs for a warrant. I'm enabling these people to doubt America's youth once again.
Yeah I tried to leave with 3 drinks and the bouncer wouldn't let me, I slammed all 3 right in front of him and football spiked them in the trash can
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm at a party with half naked strippers driving in a little kids battery powered mustang around a stipper pole in his bedroom
I know I said I wouldn't, but he told me I looked like Mila Kunis. Reasons not to fuck him, go.
I stole an ensure out of their fridge and started chugging it. That was when Maria made me leave.
That's like the cock version of a mortal kombat fatality.
That commercial was clearly aspirational. I think Arbor Mist would pair nicely with Oscar Meyer
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He is stood at the top of the stairs nursing the stolen cat
I peed sitting down because I knew standing was a lost cause
When I said I wanted you to make noise during sex, I didn't mean mocking ones.
Ultimate fat girl moment: I promised him my mouth for the night if he bought me a funnel cake..
I HAVE 5 FELTING NEEDLES AND THEYRE GOING DIRECTLY INTO YOUR EYES IF YOU POST THAT SHIT
How did I get home last night?
We put your keys on a lanyard that asked anyone that found you to bring you home. A nice man in a cape, green shorts and a mesh shirt dropped you off this morning.
Oh. Yeah. Riiiggghhht
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