Why the fuck do they always fuck on couches in porn?
Don't ever text me while you're jacking off. EVER.
so he was shitfaced and kept using sticky notes to label everything like "beer spill" and "going to fuck later"
What's your middle initial? I need it for the census. I put us down as "unmarried partners."
Oh my god... you're gay. Ps, its A.
No no. According to the 2010 US Census, we're gay.
Bro, i just sang journey's "dont stop beleavin" at mcdonalds. and the guy was sooo impressed he gave us free food. God i love america
so just saw tiger woods pull a page out of his wifes book and hit some kid in the head with a golf club
Family bonfire. I just discovered my cousin drank an entire bottle of champagne at the age of 7. I just got showed up.
It's hard to be a gentleman when a girl pauses her karaoke version of "a whole new world," and proceeds to tell the entire bar that she wants your cock in her mouth.
Wearing the flip cup varsity team sweatshirt was the best descision of my life.
Way to ruin everything
I am drinking jager with a cat, your argument is invalid
Judging by the progress I've made since I woke up (none) I'm thinking this hangover may keep me in bed.
Sorry for peeing on you and your bed last night.
You have got to be the only man who has passed out while getting a lap dance.
Had to admit my broken elbow was caused by vodka, not hockey
She said my penis was powerful and magnificent
Mom got drunk as hell, crashed Dad's wedding and some how left with the best man. This is why you should be glad you aren't my sibling.
Randomize
